On Father’s Day, My Journey Begins
On Father’s Day, my kids called and messaged to wish me well. As Father’s Day was fading into the rear view mirror, I logged onto Facebook. Two messages, for no particular reason, caught my eye. Two people had written about fathers: one, a former colleague from my days with the Misery Merchants in the realm of The Lords of Poverty, and the other, the straight-talking leader of the PPC. Their heartfelt words about fathers stirred something deep within me, and I found myself reflecting on my own father.

A Void to Fill
I had neither messaged nor called him. In fact, I hadn’t even remembered him on the day. Those two Facebook messages made me wonder: what do I truly know about my dad? Is this even a relevant question? Maybe not, but I still felt a void that needed filling. What if I wrote about my earliest memory of him? Let me take you back to a time before my eleventh birthday.

The Evening We Heard Music
One evening, just after dusk, my brother and I were walking up the slopes of Mount Kipipiri to our house. We had gone to fetch milk from Njenga Muiga’s place. The milk was a variety called “mathace,” a cheap, low-quality kind because Njenga Muiga would skim off the cream to sell separately. He had learned the skill to do so from his former colonial master.
As we crossed the trench that marked the boundary to our farm, we heard music coming from up the mountain, in the direction of our house. Our home was on the same latitude as the next farm, and the last houses before the forest that stretched up to the mountain’s peak. Someday, I hope to take a trip from behind our house to the top of that mountain. As we climbed, now dark, we talked about the music, unsure whether it was coming from our house or the neighbors’. My little brother, three and a half years my junior, couldn’t recognize the sound. But I speculated that maybe our dad was home and playing a guitar. In hindsight, I’m not sure why I thought this, but I seem to recall my mom mentioning that dad used to play the guitar, even though I can’t find a clear memory of it.
The Radio Arrival
We hurried home, and when we arrived, our dad was indeed home. It was an exciting moment! What’s more, he had brought a radio—a Toshiba which required four batteries. That radio lasted for a very long time. We were among the few families that owned a radio.
Infrequent Visits
My dad soon left again, and I don’t remember the next time I saw him. Before I turned eleven, I can only recall three or four times he was home. Some fathers lived with their families, though about a decade earlier, these men would have been working as laborers on settlers’ farms. However, other men, like my dad, were away working in some distant town. I remember two neighbors who, like my dad, were seldom home. They would come back once a year for what was called annual leave. They were painters working for the government in some distant town. They didn’t come home for Christmas, as it wasn’t celebrated in our community at that time, but only for their annual leave.
The Unpredictable Father
My dad never came home on any predictable schedule. He didn’t have a regular job to let him go home on annual leave. With no formal schooling or training, the day of the week, date of the month, or season of the year probably meant nothing to him. That’s my guess. I don’t really know what he did to make a living back then.
Mom’s Visits to Prison
Mom told me that my dad was arrested twice and spent extended periods in prison remand. One stint lasted about three years. In both cases, he was never convicted. I guess he didn’t have anyone to be a surety in court, allowing him go home and attend court sessions only when his case was mentioned. Mom shared this information, with much sadness and disappointment in her voice, how she had gone to visit him in prison. It was in Nakuru.
A Mother’s Sacrifice
She had arrived at the prison gate early in the morning, as required. It was a difficult feat given the distance, erratic public transportation, poor roads, and financial constraints. She identified herself as the wife of Gichuru Kamotho (my dad) and, like every other visitor, was ushered into the waiting room. Other visitors came and went, meeting with their loved ones. But my mom waited in vain, despite being assured that dad had been informed of her visit and presence. At the end of the visiting time, my mom left, disappointed, heartbroken and ashamed. Who did the prison warders think she really was?

Disenfranchised Men
I didn’t have a relationship with my dad because he was away from home. If I had been born 100 years earlier, this wouldn’t have been the case. When European settlers arrived, they couldn’t find farm laborers, so they designed a scheme to force men to leave their families and work on the farms. The earnings from this labor went to paying taxes. Men didn’t labor on the settlers’ farms to provide for their families—there was no need for money in a community where every family produced their own food. My dad wouldn’t have spent time in prison remand either, because our community didn’t have such systems. Men have been disenfranchised from their roles in the family since then.

A Modern Attack on Men
This attack on men has continued to this day. One such attack is Canada’s program to help women and girls around the world. I’m confident this program doesn’t involve women in Norway, but it does in Kenya. The effect is separating men like my dad from their families. This has led to a breakdown in societal structures, not just in Kenya, but in many other countries. The result includes a large number of people fleeing their Democratically led countries to Euro-centric countries as immigrants, where they are often unwelcome.
Cherish and Connect
Reflecting on these memories and thoughts, I realize the importance of cherishing and acknowledging our loved ones. So, let’s not wait for another Father’s Day to reach out and connect. Share your stories, express your love, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll bridge the gaps left by the past.